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Monthly Archives: June 2017

Y’all need any more evidence Melania Trump is 100% in Donald Trump‘s corner??

People sometimes paint the President’s third wife as some kind of princess being held prisoner by an ogre, but it’s situations like this where her true dark colors shine through.

VOTE: Do You Hate Melania As Much As Dan Savage Does??

When asked about Trump’s disgusting tweets about Morning Joe pundit Mika Brzezinski, the FLOTUS took a break from her hard work fighting cyber-bullying to release a statement in support of her hubby.

Melania’s spokeswoman responded:

“When her husband gets attacked, he will punch back 10 times harder.”

Right. What presidents call a “proportional response…”

Punching back “10 times harder” is one of those things meant to sound badass — unless you take 5 seconds to think about it.

We mean, if your frenemy mentions you falling off your diet, do you really want to respond by taking a shit in her purse, hooking up with her man, and framing her for murder?

Trying to destroy everyone who disagrees with you is what an insane person does. We mean, where does this vindictive, petty attitude end?

This is a policy of escalation and NOT becoming of a President of the United States of America. No wonder Trump has so many enemies. And he’s only making more for our country.

[Image via CBS.]

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Well, this explains how Millie Bobby Brown and

The band said of the clip on Facebook:

“We are so happy to share our new video for ‘I Dare You’. Our love letter to Los Angeles, a city close to our hearts, where we wrote and recorded parts of our album I See You’. This is the third video, our friend, the wonderful Alasdair McLellan has directed for us. He collaborated with a hero of ours, Raf Simons on the creative concept and direction. It was amazing to work with both of them and such a pleasure to meet and work with Millie bob, Paris Jackson, Ashton, Lulu and Ernesto! Thank you to Calvin Klein and everyone involved. We hope you enjoy watching! xx The xx”

Watch the video (below) and let us know what U think, especially of Paris’ acting chops!

[Image via YouTube.]

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(CNN)“No one else is going to do it for me, that’s for sure.”

That throwaway comment during an interview with CNN’s Talk Asia might as well be Lewis Hamilton’s mantra.
One of the fastest drivers of his generation, the three-time Formula One champion has always been a go getter.
    During his decade-long professional career, first with McLaren and now Mercedes, the British racing hero has dominated the circuit, being dubbed “Il Phenomeno” — the Phenomenon — in Italy.

      Life after the cockpit?

    Much like David Beckham in the soccer world, Hamilton has become a celebrity outside his sport, often being snapped in the front row at fashion week and on the red carpet of film premieres — and he’s also dated a high-profile pop star, Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls.
    Hamilton’s celebrity has landed him lucrative endorsement deals with L’Oreal, Bose and Puma.
    It’s that notoriety off the track — Brand Hamilton, if you will — that the 32 year old is hoping to capitalize on as he starts to prepare for life after Formula One.

    Beating the odds

    Born in Stevenage, in the United Kingdom, Hamilton declared he wanted to be a Formula One driver aged six years old.
    It was an ambitious statement, especially for a child from humble beginnings. But from his experiments racing remote-control cars to his later prowess in go-karting, Hamilton’s talent was obvious from the start.
    Today he makes Formula One wins looking easy — Hamilton famously finished on the podium for the first nine races of his first season — but his route into the sport was anything but plain sailing.
    “What keeps me motivated is I think in the back of my mind just how hard my parents worked,” he tells Talk Asia.
    “My dad having four jobs, my step-mom giving up all her money. Every bit of her income went into my racing so that’s a huge commitment, particularly for a woman who is coming in and that’s not actually your son.
    “To devote your life and your earnings, your hard work, to help a youngster go somewhere.”

    Every Dad can be a #SuperDad. Leading up to this Father's Day, I am celebrating my own Dad and his unwavering support and belief in my dreams, from Karate to Karting to F1. Join me in supporting @unicef and share your #SuperDad moment using the hashtag #EarlyMomentsMatter on June 18th.

    A post shared by Lewis Hamilton (@lewishamilton) on

    Money wasn’t the only barrier to entering this notoriously expensive sport. Hamilton looked different to many other British drivers.
    “Well, we were the only black family that had ever been … in motor racing at the time. In my 23 years of racing, we never came across another black family,” he says.
    Today, Hamilton can laugh about his struggle to break into the business, comparing his journey to the plot in “Cool Runnings” — a film about an underdog Jamaican bobsled team.
    “There’s a scene when they first arrive at the top of the hill. They pull off their crap sled, which was exactly like mine and my dad’s go-kart. Everyone (used to be) looking at us like: ‘What the hell are they doing here?’ It was exactly like that movie.”
    He pauses.
    “But we showed up and outperformed people.”

      Lewis Hamilton reflects on his career so far

    The Hamilton brand

    Hamilton made his Grand Prix debut with Formula One in 2007. Just 22 years old, he narrowly missed out on winning the title — but his performance got everyone’s attention.
    The next year, he became the youngest driver to win the Formula One World Championship, and he went on to win two more world titles in 2014 and 2015.
    But today Hamilton recognizes the need to look past the driver’s seat, and think about his long-term future.
    “Formula One will one day stop and when I do stop, what is there beyond? The only thing I have beyond is my brand.”
    The power of his brand is evident just from looking at his Instagram and Twitter pages, which boast around 4.5 million followers each — clearly, from the profile pages of some of the accounts that follow him, these are not just fans from the racing world.
    On his tour of China in April,ahead of the Shanghai Grand Prix — which he won — crowds of male and female fans waited hours for just a glimpse of the auto racer in Beijing.
    “I’ve got such a great fan base out here. A bunch of fans have come here, they are the hotel, at the airport … they know where you are going before you even know where you’re going so I wanted to come and see them.
    “One of them I met last night, she just had a baby — and she named him Lewis.”

    Life after racing

    As for what Hamilton will be moving on to — fashion, acting, music? — it’s too early to tell. His racing career, after all, is far from over.
    But there is one area he is determined to pursue.
    “Kids are really … at the deep-rooted heart for me,” he says. “Whether it’s underprivileged kids in certain rural areas, for example like here (in China), who perhaps won’t have the chance to get out to do something spectacular, or whether it is in sport, or whatever it is.
    “Education is a huge, huge area that needs to be attacked around the world, particularly in third-world countries.”
    At the end of the day, for Hamilton, it is about making a difference in the world.
    “I feel like when I stop, when I’m at the Pearly Gates one day, I want to be able to say I helped these guys or I encouraged these guys to do something.
    “I was part of something that helped the world — it’s cool to be able to give something back”.

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    Eight Brit Awards, four Grammys, a Golden Globe, an Oscar and decades spent topping music charts somehow escaped a Los Angeles radio station that sent a letter inviting the legendary Annie Lennox to send in her latest MP3 single for its consideration.

    The icon shared a copy of the note on Facebook on Thursday, joking, I think Im in with a chance ??!!! Lennox blacked out the stations name, but that didnt stop her many fans from commenting on the post speculating which Los Angeles radio station with a program director named Glenn and a new music coordinator named Kylie could have sent the note.

    Lennoxs post racked up more than 2,000 comments just hours after she shared it on Facebook.

    Some commenters lamented how sad it was that a person working in radio today might not know of Annie Lennox. Others wondered if the letter was automated and somehow reached the icon in total error without the station even realizing it sent out the note. Regardless, commenters agreed, if new music coordinator Kylie hasnt ever listened to songs like Here Comes the Rain Again or albums like Diva or Touch, she must do so immediately.

    Here. Start now:

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    Kylie and Kendall Jenner have pulled a new line of T-shirts from their online store after the mother of Notorious B.I.G. lashed out at the sisters for using her dead sons photo on their clothing, and after his estate reportedly threatened a lawsuitover the unlicensed images.

    Pictures of Biggie (Christopher Wallace), as well as of Tupac Shakur, rappers who were both killed in drive-by shootings more than 20 years ago, were featured on the line of $125 vintage rock T-shirts, along with images of Kendall, 21, and Kylie, 19.

    The disrespect of these girls to not even reach out to me or anyone connected to the estate baffles me, Voletta Wallace wrote on Instagram Thursday. I have no idea why they feel they can exploit the deaths of 2pac and my Son Christopher to sell a t-shirt. This is disrespectful, disgusting, and exploitation at its worst!!!

    TMZ reported that an attorney for the Notorious B.I.G. estate sent a cease and desist letter to the JennersThursday ordering them to stop selling the shirts with the rappers image, and gave a deadline of 5 p.m. Friday.

    All of the shirts vanished from the store site Thursday; they had gone on sale Wednesday.

    Kendall Jenner posted an apology for the shirts Thursday, saying the designs were not well thought out.

    We deeply apologize to anyone that has been upset and/or offended, especially to the families of the artists. We are huge fans of their music and it was not our intention to disrespect these cultural icons in any way, she wrote.

    The T-shirt line also used photos from Metallica, Pink Floyd, the Doors, Kiss, and former Black Sabbath frontman Ozzy Osbourne.

    Ozzys wife, Sharon Osbourne, zinged the sisters in a tweet: Girls, you havent earned the right to put your face with musical icons. Stick to what you know…lip gloss.

    The sisters also got a heap of criticism from music fans on social media.

    Kendall Jenner, who called Tupac her spirit animal in a Vogue video last year, was blasted in April after appearing in a controversial Pepsi ad in which she played a model who calmed tensions between police and protesters in a vaguely social-justice-themed demonstration by handing an officer a Pepsi. The ad caused such an uproar that Pepsi pulled it off the air.

    Its been a tough couple of weeks for the Jenner-Kardashian clan. Kim Kardashian earlier this week was criticized after she posted a photo of her son, Saint, in a car seat facing the wrong way. She was also lambasted for a photo last week launching her new makeup line that showed her with darker skin, which some observers called blackface and claimed had been digitally altered. She said she was just really tan that day.

    And earlier this month,fashion designer Destiney BleuaccusedKhloe Kardashianof copying Bleus bedazzled clothing designs for Khloes new Good American collection. Kardashian denied the clothing was a copy of Destiney Blues creations.

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    For many newlyweds, the wedding night isnt all its cracked up to be.The expectation is a glamorous evening full of endless champagne and awesome sex (hey, its possible!).The reality usually involves scarfing down some fast food and then passing out soon after.

    We asked HuffPost readers how they actually spent their first night as a married couple. See what they had to say below:

    1. I laid on the floor of the living room with my wife and two of my bridesmaids eating Taco Bell tortilla chips before finally going to bed, getting up to puke from having so much to drink at the reception, coming back to bed and then passing the f**k out. Katie H.

    2. My husband fell asleep, all clothes on, shoes too, about two minutes after we got into the room. And oh yeah, my mother was sharing a room with us. So I spent most of my night awake on my phone and Netflix because I had them snoring on each side.Even still, I wouldnt have changed it for anything. Brittany S.

    3.There was a mouse in our mountain cabin. It had made a mess of the tidy and well-stocked honeymoon surprise accommodations. Every time my husband heard it scurry in the night, hed hop out of bed to check the traps in the kitchen. He was out to get the rodent, not so much his bride!Thankfully, 28 years later we can laugh about it. Kimberly B.

    4. My spouse and I spent the night playing Pokemon Go (it had just come out) and laughing with our friends until late in the evening. We then laid in bed for hours talking and laughing and just saying I love you. It was the grossest, mostaffectionate thing I had done and I wouldnt trade it for the world.We passed out slightly aftermidnightand couldnt be bothered to have sex. We waited until the next day. Fernando J.

    5. That night I slept in one bed with our 4.5-month-old baby because she was nursing still and my husband slept in the other bed at the motel. Lisa N.

    6. We went out to sing karaoke at a lesbian dive bar. We sang A Whole New World in our wedding dresses. Went to our hotel, grabbed coffee in the lobby, and pored over all the well-wishes on social media before crashing. Darek Y.

    7. I was so sweaty and gross from dancing the whole reception I told him I had to shower before we did anything. Then we had our fun. Around2 a.m.I was starving (because no one ever lets the bride and groom eat, theyre all wanting pictures and to give their congratulations). So my husband and I went to Dennys just down the street from our hotel, and we ate Grand Slams and watched a movie before crashing for good. Heather B.

    8. We had dinner with our parents at our favorite restaurant, then came home to drink wine and watch the season finale of RuPauls Drag Race (my husband correctly guessed the lip sync winners), followed immediately by watching Starship Troopers. Oh, and then we played video games. Absolutely a perfect evening. Nicole G.

    9. We went out dancing with friends and came home at3 a.m.starving. Spent our night cuddling and eating room service mac & cheese and then passing out. Sexy time was saved for the morning once we had the energy. Katrin B.

    10. We totally forgot to eat at our reception. My moms friend was kind enough to load us up with a plate full of wedding cake before we left. That night, we sat in the jacuzzi in our room and ate cake before we…well, you know. Keeana P.

    11. We got married in a chapel on our college campus on aWednesdayevening, and afterwards we went to our dorm room and watched The Princess Bride until we passed out. Had to go take a music theory exam the next morning! Emma P.

    12. I got food poisoning from something at our wedding. My husband had an intense headache. We went to a hotel that was gifted to us for the night, missing our after party, and slept. Well, I didnt sleep much because I was vomiting. Felicia L.

    13. I vividly remember face-planting into the bed while my husband unbuttoned the back of my wedding gown for me since I couldnt do it myself. After we had changed into some comfy clothes, we called my younger sister (one of my bridesmaids) to come hang out with us in our room. We ended up ordering pizza with her and gossiping about various things that happened earlier that day. It wasnt a traditional wedding night, especially since we spent it with my sister, but my husband and I wouldnt have it any other way! We were WAY too tired and sore to do anything else! Annalis L.

    14. My husband helped me out of my dress and with all the bobby pins in my hair. We put on old pajamas, ate our cookies, split the bottle of champagne, and watched some episodes of Frasier, and then got down to business. Amber L.

    15. My husband and I forgot condoms, so we went into the drugstore, me still in my wedding dress, to buy some! Joelle D.

    16. We were exhausted and sweaty from the long, hot day and hours of dancing so we took a soak in the giant tub. It took forever to fill with water so we sat in it while we waited. We opened our cards and read the notes from family and friends. Then we just sat talking about how happy and relaxed we were. Next thing I know, I wake up and the tub is full and spilling over into a hole near the top obviously there to prevent people like us from flooding the room. My husband and I had fallen asleep! We went to bed with my hair still up in a wet fancy bun and didnt actually consummate the marriage until the next morning. Erin M.

    17. He carried me over the threshold into our hotel room, then I started yelling at him to take off my dress because I had to pee so bad and had been holding it most of the day! I then made him close his eyes because I didnt want him to see me in my extremely unsexy (yet functional) body shaper and Spanx. Heather S.

    18. We drank champagne, ate the complimentary chocolates, and opened all of our cards and gifts while lounging in our bridal suite in our underwear. Then we passed out! Staci Z.

    19.After the reception we Ubered to a hotel near LAX to spend four hours (only four hours) before shuttling to catch our flight. We removed the 9,000 bobby pins from my hair, then tried to sleep. AnnieS.

    20. I stayed at the hotel while my husband ran home to walk the dog it was hard enough getting a babysitter for our four month old, we couldnt find a dog sitter. Then he came back, we took a nap, and ordered room service a cheeseburger at2 a.m. No diapers or bottles: perfection. Samantha L.

    21. We stopped at McDonalds, drove to a family friends beautiful timeshare on the beach, then had a ton of sex. It was everything broke teenagers could ask for. Sam G.

    **Some responses have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.

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    From the beginning of their self-titled fifth album, its clear that TLC are keen to prove that they are, indeed, TLC. Understandably so, for the case against is convincing: this is the first album the band have released without any input from the late Lisa Left Eye Lopes, generally considered the trios creative nerve centre. The opener No Introduction a hyped-up list of their achievements, ironically enough might feel forced, but from then on the duo prove themselves more than capable custodians of the TLC brand.

    Way Back sees T-Boz reprise the low, oddly flat vocal melodies that were such a satisfying part of the original recipe, while Haters and Perfect Girls both recall Unprettys rejection of cookie-cutter beauty. The effect is deeply nostalgic were it not for the nods to trap, it would feel like a time capsule but ultimately that familiarity is a testament to the albums quality. TLC are the second most successful girl group of all time (after the Spice Girls) and this record proves that their winning formula still works.

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    Canada Day 2017 is also the countrys 150th birthday. To mark this special occasion, we present this handy guide to its biggest urban centres, as found in The CANADALAND Guide to Canada

    Welcome to Canada! While many people think of it as a vast expanse of snowy wilderness, 75% of Canadians actually live within 90 minutes of the US border which they desperately cling to for warmth and television shows.

    Most Canadians dwell in a series of cities that you may find yourself in due to layovers or random misfortune. It is difficult to tell one from another … this may help.


    Toronto: why so ugly? Illustration: Andrew Barr/Canadaland

    Toronto is a large North American city. Youll know youre here and not in Chicago, Philadelphia, Detroit, or a dozen other places, because of the very tall tower downtown.

    Why so ugly?

    Toronto was labelled a temporary city for the first years of British rule. As it grew in the 19th century, this protestant backwater turned to meatpacking as its primary industry. You actually needed a special license to buy liquor for personal use until 1969, and some neighbourhoods maintained prohibition until 1994.

    In the 60s and 70s, fear suddenly made Toronto the centre of Canadas universe, as companies terrified by the possibility of a sovereign Qubec moved their head offices from Montral to the next best option. They were soon followed by equally terrified Anglos (English-speaking Montralers).

    Seemingly overnight, Toronto boomed. Construction exploded at the exact ugliest moment in the history of architecture, with no regard for urban planning or aesthetics of any kind.

    How to fill the void?

    Ever had a kebab the size of your arm? Toronto has! How about poutine with pork three ways? You betcha! Fourteen-day green juice cleanse? Theyre right next door! The city has a particular penchant for novelty baked goods, pretentious fusion, and the needlessly wheat-less. Since the citys food is the only thing that has ever brought residents any semblance of joy, they stuff chow mein burritos in their mouths like theyre not all on the slow, inevitable road to oblivion.

    Amalgamations revenge

    Toronto is a composite of boroughs and cultures stitched together. After decades of unhindered suburban sprawl, its many communities were suddenly amalgamated into an incoherent and ungovernable behemoth in 1998. Want to extend the subway system by a few stops? No problem. That will be done in 20 years or so.

    A progressive paradise?

    You have clearly forgotten Mayor Rob Ford.


    Vancouver: A hermit kingdom, separated from reality by the Rocky Mountains to the east and the Pacific Ocean to the west. Illustration: Andrew Barr

    Vancouver is a hermit kingdom, separated from reality by the Rocky Mountains to the east and the Pacific Ocean to the west. In its isolation, Vancouver has gone insane and lost all frame of reference, and locals are consistently in one kind of fantasy stupor or another. Come for a visit soon, as a massive earthquake is expected to jolt Vancouverites back to reality any day now.

    Who youll meet

    Junkies: Vancouvers downtown eastside is home to a sobering number of heroin addicts, and a visit to any Hastings alleyway will mortify even the most hardened street-dweller. This is terrible, remarked a scandalised Snoop Dogg in a 2016 Instagram video as his SUV drove over piles of syringes. You need to clean this shit up.

    Teen millionaires: Rich Chinese (also Indians, Iranians, and Saudis) families often send their offspring to Vancouver, where they reside in swanky homes (for tax-sheltering purposes) and drive expensive cars.

    Teen millionaires 2.0: Huffing the northward-drifting fumes of Silicon Valley, local gurus and thinkfluentials all want to score big with the next Hootsuite or Plenty of Fish. Know what Retsly, Zeetl, Tingle, or Yiip do? Thats OK, neither do their employees.

    Sporty enlightened hippies: All other Vancouverites are fitness-crazed, eastern philosophy-loving, fleece-wearing, real estate-speculating hippies.

    Where to go

    Kitsilano: A charming middle-class neighbourhood, popular with young parents, filled with parks, beaches, and beautiful heritage homes all of which will be wiped off the face of the earth by a cataclysmic 8.0+ megaquake.

    Yaletown: Formerly the citys rail yard, Yaletown has transformed into a neighbourhood filled of trendy bars, parks, spas and boutiques, and is set to transform again when an earthquake rips the earth open like a zipper, as one scientist put it.

    Gastown: Home to some of the citys most popular historic sites, restaurants, profit-free tech startups, and least earthquake-resistant buildings. It will not be spared in the destruction.

    Enemies of Vancouver

    Vancouver has more homeless people than anywhere else in Canada; it also has more empty homes than anywhere else in Canada.


    Ottawa: Winters are oppressive as a future overlord. Illustration: Andrew Barr/Canadaland

    Ottawa is the seat of political power in Canada, and it is ripe for the picking. Whether youre a French insurrectionist or simply a busload of teenagers protesting abortion, here is how to sack and occupy Canadas capital and thus, the entire nation.

    Climate challenges

    Ottawas winters are as oppressive as you are, future overlord. It has some of the countrys coldest, snowiest winters, with an average snowfall of 236cm. It also ranks in the top 10 for hottest, most humid summers in Canada. It is the worst of both worlds. Do yourself a favour and conquer Ottawa in the spring or fall, then holiday in Florida like everybody else.

    Canada Day

    Like any despot, you will need to adapt to local customs to maintain stability. Keep your iron grip by hiring the Barenaked Ladies or Avril Lavigne to play a free public concert on the hill.

    Rewrite history

    Glorify yourself in Ottawas 14 national museums. Roughly 7.3 million people visit the capital region each year and millions more will come to worship at your altar. Force the Royal Canadian Mint to only press coins with your visage. The Canada Aviation and Space Museum should show the latest in ballistic missile technology on loan from your friends in North Korea. The National Gallery of Canada should showcase only boring art that makes people feel comfortable (so no changes needed there).


    Montreal: The most charming and sexy city in North America. Illustration: Andrew Barr/Canadaland

    More than Canada, less than Europe. A city of cobblestones and potholes, wine in convenience stores, and unsettling levels of street clowning. If you like good food, civil unrest, high art, common-law marriage, beautiful architecture and endemic corruption: bienvenue!

    Where to go

    The Old Port: The citys historic port dates back to the early 1600s, when French fur traders used it as a trading post. Today you can catch an Imax flick there and weep at the citys neglect of the districts crumbling, ancient buildings.

    The Main: The beating heart of Montral, Boulevard Saint-Laurent the citys main strip was the historical dividing line separating the citys working-class French in the east from the working-class Anglos in the west.

    Park Ex: Follow the citys tearful trail of migration northwards to the borough of Villeray-Saint-Michel-Parc Extension, aka Park Ex. Ride the 80 bus for four hours until you arrive in the centre of Qubcois cool. Live like a local artist, weed dealer or grad student by dining on cheap Pakistani food and drinking overproof beer in Jarry Park.

    What to do

    Tam-Tams:Montralers gather every week in Mount Royal Park to fill the air with the beats and baps of amateur drumming. They also fill the air with the scent of stepped-on hash, beeswax candles and body odour.

    Nothing: The very fact that you are consulting a travel guide tells me youre a loathsome Anglo who likes to ruin everything by planning for it. Put down this guidebook and live your life for once.

    Get chided for speaking broken French:The look of contempt youll get from a Francophone say, when you ask for laddition at a restaurant when you want your bill, as one might in France is one of the citys most beautiful sights.

    Enjoy high culture:From cinema to comedy to music, to whatever FrancoFolies is on about, arts festivals are inescapable during the few months of the year when Montral is not frozen. If you enjoy lining up for things or squeezing your body through densely packed mobs to watch jam bands noodle on free public stages, this is the place for you.

    Leave: Montral is the most charming and sexy city in North America. It is sophisticated, civilised and cheap. After a weekend visit or a university degree, many will try to stay. Remember: you may love Montral, but it will never love you back. Au revoir!

    This is an edited extract from the book The Canadaland Guide to Canada by Jesse Brown, published by Touchstone

    Follow Guardian Cities on Twitter and Facebook to join the discussion, and explore our archive here

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    Its officially summer in NYC and I know this not because Ive been outside doing things in this beautiful weather but because Ive been living vicariously through people and their rooftop Snapchats while I continue to binge watch . That and I can legit smell the tanning oil from my windowless cell office. And with summer being in full swing, so too are the Instagram thots. Its like every summer they find new and creative ways to test my limit for extraness sanity with their Instagram photos. Pool floats for summer? Groundbreaking. Slutty one piece? Girl, you are a fucking trendsetter. Just once Id like to see some originality something that wasnt pinned on their summer mood board first. Sighs. That being said, there are some summer trends that are better than others. As in, some that are v betchy and will earn you a coveted like from my Instagram account of less than 500 followers (coveted, I tell you) and some that will make me internally scream while scrolling through my feed.

    Since July 4th is rapidly approaching I thought Id take a moment to educate the masses on what trendy summer items you should not fucking bring to your Fourth of July Instagrams plans, lest you be shamed in my group chat later. *takes deep, calming breath* K, lets get started shall we?

    1. Pool Floats

    If I see one more girl Bambi posing on a plastic donut in the worlds most beautiful pool (side note: where are you finding these pools?? I can barely find a tree in my neighborhood and youre finding pools?) talking about how much she loves to eat donuts I will lose my goddamn mind. This is one trend that I cannot WAIT to see go. The feeling I get when I see this trend is how I felt when unicorn frappuccinos made their blasphemous debut on the coffee scene and I started suffering from rage blackouts wanted to report everyone on my newsfeed sporting one of those monstrosities to Instagram HQ for being personally offensive to me. Or, like, whenever Ariel Winter posts on her IG. Case in point:


    Its just like that. Im assuming these girls think that by lounging on an inflatable slice of pizza it makes them look fun and quirky like theyve eaten a slice of pizza. But the only girls I see posting these #DonutGiveAF Instas (clever) are people with two percent body fat. Like, lets be honest here, Courtney (Im assuming someone who lounges on a donut float has a name like Courtney). You have a membership to SoulCycle that you actually use and you havent so much as sniffed a carb since 2012. Im not buying your bullshit, BYE. Suffice it to say, pool floats are done, theyre over. Its time we get more creative with our poolside Instagrams, thx.

    2. Boho Flash Tats

    Boho flash tats aka a way for basic bitches to feel edgy because nothing says Im hard core like a rose gold arrow pointing to your side boob.  

    Tbh I was into flash tats once upon a time but then I realized I dont have daddy issues and it was time to retire them. Like, unless youre at a bachelorette party wearing a shirt that lets everyone within a 20-foot vicinity know youre single and alone a bridesmaid OR doing casual drugs at a music festival then its unacceptable to wear that shit in public. Seriously, if I see you wearing a gold tribal tattoo at a rooftop next Tuesday youll 100% end up as internet fodder. You know, assuming Im not blackout. Its 50/50 at this point so may the odds be ever in your favor.

    3. Ros

    It hurts me to say this, but apparently ros is done. Its canceled. People went batshit with my favorite summer beverage and started buying it in six pack cans *shudders* and wearing it as a deodorant and now we have to put a stop to this shit. Lord, Jesus, why must you test me? I havent been this disappointed since Mikala and Cameron broke up on So basically Im devastated. But like the jean skirt that I refused to throw away and that has been waiting in the wings sitting in my closet for the last eight years, Ill be ready and waiting for its triumphant comeback. Just like the jean skirt. Which I am currently wearing.

    4. Small Round Sunnies

    If I catch you sporting small round sunnies at the beach this Fourth of July you are immediately moving to my shit list. And by shit list I mean the savage group Snapchat Im a part of, duh. I mean, Im sorry but are you Vanessa Hudgens a Disney star desperate for followers? Is trendsetter listed as your career on your resume? No? Then take that shit off. Its not that this is a particularly heinous look or anything, but its just that while you might think you look like Selena Gomez in a FIRE music video youre really sending off Elton John-in-his-prime vibes.

    5. Retro High Waisted Bikini Bottoms

    One pieces have officially replaced high waisted bikini bottoms as the summer swimsuit of choice and thank fucking god for that. Tbh I always thought those things just looked like giant diapers on people. I get that its supposed to cover your problem areas or whatever but you know what else covers up those insecurities? Alcohol. Its a tried and true solution and idk why we stopped using it in the first place. So leave the high waisted swimsuit bottoms in your mothers closet along with the mom jeans and ironic bowling shirts that all the hipsters are trying to make happen. Next.

    6. Polaroid Cameras

    You can blame Taylor Swift for ruining this one for us all, along with Tom Hiddleson and her Fourth of July bash (or as she calls it, #taymerica… #killme). Polaroid cameras used to make your shitty rooftop in your shitty apartment in Brooklyn look less like a scene out of (a direct quote from a friend of mine who lives a v mature life in the Upper West Side) and more like a cool, eclectic place to live. As if your salary could support you living literally anywhere else. *sips wine* But then Taylor Swift came on the scene and took a beautiful thing and cheapened it. Suddenly what made you cool and unique is now something 14-year-old girls use to document their trips to the mall. And this is why we cant have nice things. Tbh its probably for the better because anytime I see a Polaroid I’m reminded of this:

    Ugh. Now, if you need me Im just going to be living my best summer life vicariously through Instagram. Kisses!

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    Despite the sweltering heat, summer is def the best season because its the one time a year a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it. Is it really summer if you dont see a group of basic betches like myself at like, some music festival on Randalls Island in short-ass shorts with their ass cheeks hanging out? Um, fucking no. Not only does summer coincide with every girl looking like clones of Vanessa Hudgens at Coachella, but add in a progressive feminist movement la #FreeTheNipple and the concept of not wearing a bra is basically as forced upon us as an irrational unicorn obsession.

    If freeing the nip is all the rage, then you may as well join em because I know the first thing you do when you get home (after drinking wine out of the bottle), is toss your bra onto the nearest surface. With summer fashion requiring so much boobage, the last thing you need is horrible boob sweat. Like, no fucking thank you. But even if you skip the bra, you dont have to flash the whole city and feel as though youre lactating with the replacement that is a versatile bralette. Here are 5 comfortable, sexy styles to wear this summer because slutty is in fashion rn no one likes wearing bras and boob sweat is fucking gross.

    1. Hanky Panky Signature Lace Padded Bralette

    Black lace bralettes are literally a must-have, regardless of the time of year. Its black (fucking duh) so it not only fits in with the rest of your entire wardrobe, but if youre into the mesh/see-through everything trend, this is perfect to use for (minimal) coverage. Since its wireless and v comfortable, you can layer this under an oversized crop top if you know youll be showing some major side boob.

    2. Only Hearts Eco Lace Bralette

    This neutral style fits like your fave bandeauexcept without the whole falling down, having-to-pull-it-up-every-five-seconds thing. Wear this under a trendy T-shirt dress for a casual daytime look. To really look like you know WTF youre doing, pair with dark jeans under a longline jacket in hopes your street style game is half as good as Kendall Jenners.

    3. Pour Moi Amour Convertible Bralette C-G Cup

    If youre like me and feel as though you could have a nip slip at any moment with a tiny piece of fabric, this one is designed to keep your boobs in check regardless of their size. With size options that go all the way up to G, you can layer this bralette with or without straps and still slay the dance flooror so tequila makes you believe.

    4. Les Coquines Bette Bralette

    With a style as lightweight as this, youll have a refreshing breeze every time you wear it so you can at least feel assured that you wont get a sweat stain in the middle of your chest. Wear this bralette under a plunging bodysuit or jumper for an equal balance of pretty and hoe (which incidentally is my Tinder bio).

    5. Ann Summers Wynne Bralette

    This probably looks like that high-neck bralette you got at Victorias Secret and thats because it basically is but like, this one is so much better. Unlike some rough shit that scratches you every time you fucking move, this sheer lace feels comfortable and secure enough to lounge all day in. Wear alone as a shirt with denim cut-offs or wear under a denim jacket to your next music fest.

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