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The War of the Roses at 30: still one of the nastiest comedies of all time

The brutal 1989 hit took a much-loved onscreen pairing, Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, and tore them to pieces

Its easy to forget just how consistently, bracingly nasty The War of the Roses is, thanks in great part to the extravagant, and festive, studio packaging it arrived in, unwrapped in cinemas 30 years ago this month. It was fast-paced, glossy, Christmassy and, deceptively, it starred one of the most beloved onscreen couples of the 80s: Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. Audiences were accustomed to seeing them bicker in the hit adventures Romancing the Stone and The Jewel of the Nile but their sparring was only ever of the screwball variety, a string of lighthearted quips signposting a Billy Ocean-soundtracked happy ending on the horizon.

At the end of the decade, they reunited to show us that happily ever afters are as fantastical as treasure maps and that early romance will more likely give way to seething resentment and sadistic violence. The film was a cruel R-rated footnote to their era of PG-13 flirting and it both shocked and compelled me as a child whose family was in the thick of a divorce at the same time. I didnt see it upon release I was five at the time but as it tore its way to the small screen, it became an early object of obsession. Each rewatch was met with a certain amount of parental displeasure, an understandable concern that I would blur the lines between what happened on screen and what was happening in real life

The War of the Roses unfolds as a cautionary tale, shared by the lawyer Gavin DAmato (Danny DeVito, the reliable third wheel in Douglas and Turners previous two capers and also playing director here) with a client seeking a divorce. Urging him to consider his options, he tells the story of the Roses, a couple whose marital bliss ended in disaster. They met great. They agreed on that, he says, while were taken back to a charming meet-cute as Barbara (Turner) and Oliver (Douglas) compete at an auction in Nantucket. The film leaps forward from the auction to the bedroom to their first apartment to their first house, the couple gliding from one rite of passage to the next, ticking every box that society has taught them to tick. Barbara becomes the perfect housewife, Oliver goes from associate to senior partner at his law firm and they have two cute kids, one boy and one girl.

Everything was working for the Roses, Gavin says. Let me restate that. The Roses were working for everything.

Because in Michael J Leesons exuberantly cynical script, based on the book by Warren Adler, hard work only gets you so far. The Roses were doing everything they thought they needed to do to be happy but it wasnt enough. Those cute kids grow up to be overweight and insolent. That grandiose house ends up feeling empty and alienating. Their relationship goes from fun and frisky to stale and stuffy. The cracks that start to show are initially relatable the annoying way your partner laughs, the rambling way they tell a story, the endless fucking snoring and the escalation is believably restrained. For a while. But the potholes they encounter culminate in more of a sinkhole, those niggling issues no longer fixable with just a brave face.

Barbara asks for a divorce. Oliver says no. Barbara wants the house. So does Oliver. Both stand their ground, refusing to abandon their much-loved home, and the competitive edge that brought them together on that rainy Nantucket day soon becomes the same thing that starts tearing them apart. Its the cruel irony of so many breakups and the film revels in this. As their beautiful house becomes a war zone, the ornament they playfully fought over years ago is brought back to be used as a cruel reminder of what they once had. Its the last straw that forces them into their final physical duel, which leads to their deaths.

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Photograph: taken from picture library

In this years wonderful, Oscar-tipped drama Marriage Story, Noah Baumbach similarly shows how divorce can bring out the worst in a couple, especially in one virtuosic show-stopping argument, but he also shows how humanity can still be maintained and, in a gut-wrenching final scene, how tenderness remains. In The War of the Roses, theres no such relief. As the crumpled-up couple lie dying on a broken chandelier, one thats crashed to the ground, Oliver reaches to touch Barbara, music swelling, but she pushes him off, a final, brutal rejection that remains one of the coldest endings I can remember in studio cinema.

Critics at the time were unsure what to make of it, unsure exactly how to enjoy watching a sprightly holiday comedy involving two big stars inflicting verbal and physical abuse on each other. In a mostly positive review, Roger Ebert nonetheless remarked: There are times when its ferocity threatens to break through the boundaries of comedy to become so unremitting we find we cannot laugh, while Janet Maslin praised its outstanding nastiness but worried that the ending took things too far.

It was rare in 1989 and arguably rarer now to see a film of this scale have the courage of its convictions, maintaining its dour worldview right up until the bitter and bloody end. Dark studio comedies tend to end with light in fear of scaring off the wider crowd needed to justify a hefty budget, but global audiences embraced The War of the Roses in all its filthy glory. It was a box office smash, making $160m worldwide (with inflation, that number doubles). And whats most revealing about its success is that it outgrossed both Romancing the Stone and The Jewel of the Nile, a happy ending for a film so keen to avoid one.

But for all its critical and commercial wins at the time, it has not had the afterlife one might expect. In the years since, its cultural impact has been surprisingly slight and despite talk of adapting Adlers rather mediocre follow-up novel, The Children of the Roses, its the rare 80s hit not to receive a sequel, remake or reboot a blessing, Id argue. Its DNA can be felt, though, mostly in Gillian Flynns cynical marital thriller Gone Girl and its faithful big-screen adaptation, with the author herself naming Adlers source novel as one of her favourites. Whats fascinating, on my umpteenth rewatch this year, is just how cruel it still is, 30 years on, at a time when its much harder to shock. Its less the behaviour of the couple and more how it found its way into a film of this scale and gloss, uncensored, played for laughs.

As a child, I think I found something cathartic in its garish excess. It gave me the chance to laugh at a situation that was humourless in real life. As an adult, Im far removed from that experience, of witnessing my parents divorce, but closer to my own romantic history and theres something similarly fulfilling about witnessing the fall of the Roses. They act in ways that I would never but their relentless spite, right up until the finale, is oddly satisfying, a dogged commitment to not forgiving, forgetting or pretending that wounds have healed.

Its an untamed assault, a frantic, shameless race to, as Oliver puts it, the deepest layer of prehistoric frog shit at the bottom of a New Jersey scum swamp and, ultimately, a horribly convincing argument against matrimony. I remain unmarried.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/dec/05/the-war-of-the-roses-at-30-still-one-of-the-nastiest-comedies-of-all-time

Jane Krakowski: I still have a face bra at home

The star of Kimmy Schmidt, 30 Rock and new period drama Dickinson discusses a career spent playing narcissists and some very strange souvenirs

There were two reasons that Jane Krakowski signed on for Dickinson, the new comedy-drama in which she plays the mother of the great American poet Emily. One was that her own mother was a fan of Dickinsons work, so much so that the young Krakowski could recite a few of the poets greatest hits by rote. The script, then, immediately piqued her interest. Its changed now, she explains, but in the original, it started with: Im Nobody! Who are you? And she reads the whole poem. At the end she looks into the camera and she goes: Im Emily. Im Emily fucking Dickinson. I was like, wait. What is this? She smiles: This is not your moms Emily Dickinson.

Krakowski also wanted to play a character who would be entirely unlike two of her best-known roles, 30 Rocks Jenna Listen up fives, a 10 is speaking Maroney and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidts Jacqueline White/Voorhees, another of her immaculate, iconic narcissists, a spoof of the 1%. They are two of the greatest comedy characters of recent times.

Krakowski is in London to promote her shift to the sort-of period, sort-of drama of Dickinson, but she is a devoted Anglophile, particularly when it comes to comedy. She had her first experience of panto last Christmas, when she took her son to see Julian Clary in Dick Whittington. He was hilarious. He seemed like the king of panto. I had the best time. I was like, why have I waited so long to go? My son didnt know all the double entendre jokes and he said, why are you guys all laughing so hard? I said, one day, youll understand.

Dickinson follows over a decade of Krakowski being Tina Feys favourite sort-of bad guy. Kimmy Schmidt and 30 Rock left her comedically fulfilled in a way that made her wonder what to do next. I think I came out of that going: Theres no way Ill be able to top that kind of comedic writing. So lets go for something entirely different, to have a whole other experience.

Whisper it, but the fact that Krakowski is playing the conservative mother of a 19th-century poet in a modern-historical hybrid with a thumping contemporary soundtrack, in which Wiz Khalifa has a cameo as Death, is quite, well, Jenna Maroney. Jenna is every excess of a celebrity turned up to 11; when Tina Feys Liz Lemon describes her as a high-strung perfectionist, she zings back: I prefer soul-sucking monster.

Krakowski
Cant stop the rock… Krakowski in 30 Rock with Tina Fey, Jack McBrayer, Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan. Photograph: PictureLux/The Hollywood Archive/Alamy

Krakowski arrived on 30 Rock after the unaired pilot, in which a far less ego-driven Jenna was played by comic actor Rachel Dratch. She was in Guys and Dolls in the West End when Fey and Robert Carlock, who co-produced the show, asked Krakowski for a meeting. They wanted to see what sort of sense of humour I had about myself, because the part was to send up the entity that is an actress. I couldnt think of anything more fun than to get to exploit the worst traits of actors and live them fully on screen, because then you get it out of your system and you dont have to do it in real life, in a way, she laughs. I could take every horror story I had ever heard and put it into Jenna.

One of Jennas many talents was an ability to belt out a tune at the drop of a hat, which was written into the scripts as a result of Krakowskis Broadway experience. Did she have favourites? I feel like Jenna was most known for Muffin Top, and, of course, Werewolf Bar Mitzvah [sung by co-star Tracy Morgan], which went viral before viral was a thing. [Kimmy Schmidts] Titus Burgess sent me a clip that I had totally forgotten about. It was a commercial I made in Japan … She laughs. And all I do is hold up a soda, and somebody slaps me, and then I just keep smiling and drinking the soda. We got to do such outrageously fun things as part of that show.

After 30 Rock, Fey and Carlock wrote the part of Kimmy Schmidts Jacqueline, a woman running from her past by hiding behind the self-involved grandeur of New York society wives, specifically for Krakowski. At what point does she start taking that kind of casting personally? I think people feel that Jenna and Jacqueline are quite similar, she says, gamely, and I do think the cadence of the comedy is very similar because its written by the same people. But Ive always felt that they were very different characters, certainly in the approach that I take to them, because Jacqueline was a far more vulnerable person than Jenna ever was or could possibly be.

For a comedy, she adds, Kimmy Schmidt was incredibly dark. You break that down and youre like: its about a woman whos been kidnapped for 15 years and comes out of a bunker … The show will end for good with an interactive special, due at the start of 2020. Does she think she will work with Fey and Carlock again? I would be so thrilled to do something else. Id like to convince them that its three times a charm.

Now 51, Krakowski grew up in the suburbs of New Jersey where her parents hobby was community theatre. We didnt have the funds to get babysitters all the time, so they would bring me with them. Her mother sent her to open calls when she was a child. I admired the moxie she had to give me the confidence to maybe just go try, she says. Her son Bennett is now eight, the same age as Krakowski was when she first started going to auditions, but she doesnt yet know if hell follow in the family business. Hes naturally very funny, she says. Hell do comedy bits at home, and Ill be like: Wait, how would you know that? But I havent felt his need for applause, or to be seen or heard in that way, which is probably psychologically more healthy. I dont want to necessarily keep him away from it, but Ill let him find his own way, if thats what he wants to do.

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A lawyered performance… Krakowski with Calista Flockhart in Ally McBeal. Photograph: Everett/Alamy

She got her first TV role in the early 80s as a teenager, on the daytime NBC soap Search for Tomorrow. I was in high school when I was on that show, so I was doing my homework on the bus ride during my commute. After she made her career on Broadway in the likes of Starlight Express, Grand Hotel, Company and Nine she returned to TV in 1997 as Elaine, the office assistant in Ally McBeal who invented the face bra. Krakowski still has one at home. It was nice to have a souvenir, and I think that was the epitome of Elaines inventions.

Ally McBeal was a genuine phenomenon. Internationally, too, she notes, which I had never experienced before. I think, apart from Courtney Thorne-Smith [who played McBeals love rival, Georgia], none of us had been on a TV show.

She moved from New York to LA to work on it, and remembers being in her car, driving back from the set, hearing a radio show analysing a recent episode. Thats when I think we all realised it was what we now call a watercooler show.

It changed their lives completely. Far more for Calista [Flockhart] than for the rest of us. I think people felt Calista was Ally McBeal for a very long time, and she had to work very hard at making people realise that she was not that character, because she played it so beautifully. Many of the characters that Ive played, especially in the TV shows Ive been on, have been very heightened and exaggerated, and so I havent felt that people think I am my characters.

When it comes to Jenna Maroney and Jacqueline White, thats probably a very good thing.

Dickinson is available on Apple TV+ now

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/nov/02/jane-krakowski-i-still-have-a-face-bra-at-home-dickinson

John Witherspoon, Friday actor and comedian, dies aged 77

The versatile actor and comic, who played Ice Cubes father in the comedy franchise, has died in Los Angeles

Actor-comedian John Witherspoon, who memorably played Ice Cubes father in the Friday films, has died. He was 77. His manager Alex Goodman confirmed that Witherspoon died in Los Angeles. No cause of death was released.

The actor had a prolific career, co-starring in three Friday films, appearing on The Wayans Bros television series and voicing the grandfather in The Boondocks animated series. His film roles included Vampire in Brooklyn and Boomerang, and he was a frequent guest on Late Show with David Letterman.

For many, his most recognisable role was Pops, Ice Cubes father in the stoner comedy Friday and its two sequels, playing a crude but affectionate father trying to guide his son to be better.

Life wont be as funny without him, Ice Cube said in a Twitter post, adding that he was devastated by news of Witherspoons death.

Regina King, who appeared as Witherspoons daughter in Friday and also voiced both of his grandsons in the animated series The Boondocks, called him her comedic inspiration on Twitter.

Goodman referred to a family statement issued to Deadline that said the family was in shock over Witherspoons death. The statement says Witherspoon, who was born on 27 January, 1942, is survived by his wife, Angela, and sons JD and Alexander.

JD Witherspoon tweeted that he was happy for all the great times he and his dad had together. Wed roast each other like homies more than Father & Son, and I really liked that. He was my best friend & my idol. Love U Dad Ill miss u.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/oct/30/friday-star-john-witherspoon-dies-aged-77-ice-cube

45 Jokes That People With Different Jobs Dont Want To Hear Anymore

There’s no perfect job. Every single occupation, no matter how fascinating, glamorous or well-paying, has certain downsides. But sometimes, that downside is rather unexpected — humor!

Whatever job you might have, you’re bound to have heard at least one incredibly bad dad joke related to your occupation. Maybe the first time you heard one of these jokes, you actually rolled on the floor laughing. The second time, you laughed out loud but no more than that. The third time, you chuckled. The fourth time, you smiled. But after hearing the same joke for the fifth time, all the joy and wonder was most likely gone from you by that point. And the same jokes just keep on coming.

So here is a list of the best silly jokes that people in different professions are absolutely sick of hearing. Upvotes your faves, share with your friends, and keep on scrolling. Oh, and we’d be delighted to know if you’ve heard any corny, cheesy or dad-like jokes related to your job — so share your experience with everyone somewhere in the comments!

#1

I recently went through US Customs and the officer asked me the standard “do you have cash more than $10,000 on you?” question.

I responded: “I wish! HURHURHUR”

Her response: “If I had a penny for everyone who cracked that joke in front of me, I’d have the $10,000 by now”

…I totally deserved that.

#2

Mail carrier here. “You can keep the bills !” hur hur hur

#3

Selling lottery tickets. Im like what numbers would you like? Everyone be like “the winning ones”.

Bruh

Bored Panda talked to HaiKarateAquaVelva, who asked Redditors worldwide for their annoying job joke stories. Their thread was so popular, it got over 69,200 upvotes and more than 26,600 comments in just over a day.

“I made the post because at my job, I regularly get a lot of the same types of comments over and over from folks who surely think they’re being witty, funny, original, and oh-so-clever… not!”

“This is all harmless of course, and I don’t mind it one bit. Even after hearing the same couple jokes/comments for the 823rd time. I’ve been guilty of doing the same thing more times than I can remember, I’m sure,” HaiKarateAquaVelva noted.

“But I figured there are other job positions that get the same kinda deal. Since my job is a bit unconventional and probably wouldn’t resonate with a lot of people if I cited my own experiences, I chose to go with another, more relatable profession, thus the “It didn’t scan…” scenario.”

HaikarateAquaVelva, who mentioned that they are a Bored Panda fan, said that they didn’t expect their thread would get so much attention: “But the post I made came from nothing more than a fleeting thought, and I never expected such attention from what was only a whimsical curiosity. It was cool to read through so many responses and having a laugh or two.”

#4

Cake decorator here- people would come pick up their orders and jokingly tell me I spelled the name on the cake incorrectly. They would watch me get upset with myself and offer to fix it, then tell me they were just kidding.

#5

I’m a veterinarian. Some clients do actually say “if you really loved animals, you’ll treat them for free right?”

#6

I’m obligated to ask those visiting my work place if they have any weapons to declare.

“Just these guns!” flex

Since starting my job as a writer at Bored Panda, I’ve heard variations of three dad jokes related to my occupation. People tend to ask me if I write about pandas all day. Furthermore, they ask me if I’m bored at my job. And lastly, they wonder if we have any pet pandas at the office. The answers to those, in order, are: No, but I write about cats and dogs a lot; I’m having too much fun to be bored; and we don’t have any pandas (yet), but we’ve got doggos! In fact, there’s a huge dog right next to me at the time of writing, and it’s awesome.

Now, I actually enjoy hearing corny jokes like these. But I appreciate that people working different jobs eventually run out of patience. Like customs workers who keep on hearing ‘I wish’ when they ask people if they have more than 10,000 dollars cash on them. Or repairmen who hear ‘do I get a new one’ when they can’t fix a small problem on a client’s computer. And we can’t forget about nurses who take your blood and are absolutely exasperated after being called a ‘vampire’ for the thousandth time.

#7

the lady that draws my blood said that she was tired of people calling her a “Vampire”

#8

I work in a call center. I have to ask “was there anything else I could help you with” at the end of the call.

-“Yes bring me a coffee with that”

-“make the sun shine again”

-“got the winning lottery numbers?”

-“yeah. What’s your number you have a sexy voice”

I just ignore them now and wish them a good day

#9

“Giving out any free samples today?”

Sir, if I did that, it’s a bank robbery.

Humor is one of the best things in the entire world because it helps us relax, increases our lifespan, helps us bond with other people, allows us to see the world in a different light, and helps us stop taking both ourselves and life far too seriously.

#10

“I just want a BLACK. COFFEE. None of this crap-u-she-no chocolate unicorn frap-aye glitter [crap]. Just a medium black COFFEE. I don’t care what size you call it but whatever’s MEDIUM I want THAT” Like ok u could also try “medium black coffee please”…

#11

As a church musician, I’ve heard things like:

“How does it feel to have the largest organ in town?”

#12

I’m in the military. “Thank you for my freedom.” While I appreciate the sentiment, I guarantee I have done literally nothing to protect your freedom. You do that all by yourself by voting.

If you want to thank me for your safety, I’ll accept that. Safety and freedom are not the same thing.

However, humor in modern times is no longer free from intense scrutiny, as some individuals believe that the freedom of expression doesn’t extend to stand-up comedy, for fear of somebody being insulted. Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, and Bill Burr are examples of legendary comedians who have spent their entire lives poking fun at society, injustice, and hypocrisy, wherever these might be found. And yet, they have received a large amount of criticism for some of the jokes they made recently because they drew attention to some uncomfortable details about living in the 21st century. Whether you enjoy these comedians or think that their humor is crass, wouldn’t you say that the freedom to express your thoughts on stage is important to protect?

#13

“So, what’s the matter with you?”

“You tell me, you’re the doctor!”

#14

I do commissions.

“Can you draw a headshot of my dog in color”

“Yeah sure it’ll be 6$ (I do really cheap commissions because it’s my hobby)”

“Oh you want me to pay!? I thought you liked to draw?”

“I do like to draw but it’s no different than buying a cake from a bakery, the shop owner likes to bake but the materials cost them money and we’d like to get some of that money back”

“Ugh never mind I don’t want to pay to get a drawing of my dog” It’s happened at least 6 times in the two years I’ve been doing this

#15

As a cop, I’d say the most common one I get is: I didn’t do it man!

Bro chill, I’m just trying to buy a red bull and some donuts..

Stand-up comedy on stage is one thing, but offensive jokes at the office can be a big no-no, depending on company rules. If you’re ever in a situation where a colleague tells a completely inappropriate joke, then there are several things that you can do.

#16

I’m in ultrasound. We do a hell of a lot more than just scanning pregnant people, but we get a lot of people who ask, “Is it a boy or a girl? HAHAHA” during abdominal and vascular studies.

#17

I work in IT. Any time something breaks on the computer it’s

“Hehe, oh no, guess I have to go home!”

Every. Single. Time.

#18

Vet tech here. Whenever I take a patient’s temperature:

“Aren’t you going to at least buy her dinner first?”

According to Small Business, you can ask your co-worker to explain the joke to you, so that they understand why it might be inappropriate. Then, if your colleague doesn’t get it, straight-up tell them in a calm, collected manner that you think what they said was offensive. You can also refuse to laugh at similar jokes.

#19

Not a profession, but it kind of relates to this.When people who don’t need glasses ask to try out my glasses and ask how I can see with them.

#20

Well my child is only failing Because you are a bad teacher. Not Because he refuses to study and does not pay attention in school

#21

Pizza delivery. If you happen to pass by anyone else at all on your way to the customer, they will say “You can just leave that right here ha ha ha.”

As a last resort, if your co-worker keeps on throwing out incredibly offensive jokes left and right, consider reporting them to human resources or to a manager. Just make sure you’re not reporting someone for an innocent dad joke that you’ve heard a hundred times before.

#22

I’m a psychologist, not a mind reader. You can relax when you talk to me when I’m off duty : I don’t want to figure you out. Quite frankly I don’t care. You do have a problem with your mother tough.

#23

Administrative worker here, not from customers, but from literally anyone that doesn’t work in an office, “so you get paid to do nothing? ‘

#24

Synthetic chemist. “can you make me drugs?” or other Breaking Bad related comments.

And yes. Yes I can. But I wont.

#25

I work in an office, and the boss often leaves me in charge if he’s away. I have one co-worker who, every time I’m covering, will arrive in the morning and say “Hi boss! Since you’re in charge— can we all go home now? Hurr hurr”

That, and “are you working hard? Or hardly working?”

#26

Travel Money Bureau.

every time im checking if some notes are legit or not, its “they should be fine I printed them this morning”

har de har har

#27

I work in the meteo (not a scientist, just an IT guy) and as soon as people know this, it’s all “Hey can you fix me some good weather for the bbq this weekend?”

#28

I work in IT. “Should I just… tUrN iT oFf AnD oN aGaIn?!”. Yes, yes you should.

#29

So you can give me the good stuff eh? Wink wink nudge nudge eh?

Im a nurse not a cocaine dealer, also yes.

#30

Web developer. “Come on, [deceptively complicated change that looks simple] shouldn’t take you so long!” B**ch. You are not a web developer. You have no idea how long writing code takes. You don’t get to tell me how long it should take. Only I get to do that. Also, just because something looks simple doesn’t mean it won’t take hours to implement.

#31

I serve banquets. I’ve had many middle aged men say the same exact joke to me when serving their Cream of Chicken with Wild Rice “How do you tame wild rice?” I usually play along but the last time it happened I told him the answer and he was [frikkin] bewildered.

#32

Groomer. “I brush him everyday!” The dog is matted from chest through back legs, and behind ears and tail.

#33

“Just do this one thing [for a new/prospective client]. It will lead to more work.”

How ’bout just pay me for this one thing and we’ll talk about future work too. This is not a hobby.

#34

In IT; No, you don’t get a new phone/laptop/iPad if you throw it out the window / run it over, etc. You get fired you psycho.

#35

I’m a researcher working for the Government of Canada. Them: “Hey, did you know my tax dollars pay your salary?” Me: eye roll.

#36

Policeman here. The old,”He/she is here, i’ve got him, he’s the one you’ve been looking for”, as they grip their relative/friend/nearest person to them and look at you manically….

#37

I work in the Deaf community and people always see the name of the charity I work for and say “Pardon?” then laugh like they’re the funniest person in the world. Little bit of my soul dies every frickin’ time

#38

When I worked at a ski shop setting up snowboard rentals I’d ask how they wanted their stance, regular or goofy, so I could set the bindings up. At least 3 times a week, for the 6 months a year we did rentals, for the 4 years I worked there, I heard from dads “well he rides regular, but he’s pretty goofy hahaha.” By the end of my time there I never even bothered with a fake chuckle anymore, I just didn’t have it in me.

#39

“So you can make my photo look great and not look like I was running in a poorly-lit hallway using a crummy camera?”

Graphic Design (user of Photoshop). I can create some nice stuff, but what I can’t do is turn back time and make you take an good photo.

#40

I work with a lot of graphic designers. It’s not that I want the logo bigger, it’s the two idiots above me making me insist upon it.

I am so sorry.

#41

I worked at a branch campus library for my alma mater: “What do you mean you haven’t read this book to tell me what it’s about? What do you even do it here all day?” Not read obscure textbooks about topics I’m not required to study, that’s for sure.

When I worked at a winery: “This must be the best job in the world! (read: you get to sit and drink wine all day)” Yeah because I’m totally allowed to guzzle half the stock while I’m on duty. /s

When I worked as housekeeping in a hospital: “Can you come do that at my house?” I don’t even do this at my house, so no.

When I worked for the post office: “You can keep the bills!”/”Bring me anything good today?”/”Is there a check for a million dollars in there?” No thanks./I don’t know, I didn’t open it./How tf should I know that?

And my husband the teacher gets a lot of “Summers off must be nice, huh?” or “Must be nice to only have to work nine months out of the year, right?”

#42

Receptionist here. I previously answered calls with, “Company Name, how may I help you?” and 50% of the time (or so it felt like) the response I’d get was, “Well, I don’t know how YOU can help me”. I switched it up to “how may I assist/direct you” but I still get the ol’ “Well, I don’t know…”

It’s not cute. Just tell why the eff you’re calling so we can both move on with our days!

#43

I’m a singer! I went to college for music and have been doing it professionally for sometime now.

I usually get, “Omg my granddaughter’s cousin’s niece is a singer! You guys should meet up!” Or, “sing something for us!!” And then if I don’t feel up to it they say “how can you be a singer if you don’t want to sing in front of people?” I love it 🙃

#44

Bike (bicycle) messenger. ‘You’re on a bike ? This should be delivered before next week, hurr hurr’.

Also every year during the Tour De France : “You’re lost buddy ?” All f*cking day long.

See Also on Bored Panda

#46

I used to be in the beer industry (selling to supermarkets) and I’d get “you can just load that pallet into my truck” every day.

Now I’m in the elevator industry and about once a week I get “I bet that has its ups and downs.”

#47

Not a profession but: I’m a guy with long hair (to the middle of my back). I hear stuff like “Did your hairdresser die?” or “When are you gonna cut it off?” or any hAhA uR gRiL jokes all the time. It’s not funny guys and you’re not the first to come up with it.

#48

Stocked shelves at a grocery store for a few months in college and some guy was angry because he had been in line for a few minutes and no one was there to ring him up. He found me and asked what was going on and I kindly told him I’d go grab a cashier to check him out and he goes, “No it’s fine, I can just leave with my stuff. I mean, I don’t have to pay if no ones gonna wait on me,” or something like that. I laughed sarcastically with a deadpan face and told a cashier there were customers waiting.

They didn’t pay me enough to stop him if he tried.

#49

“So can you come look at my car?” -Mechanical Engineer.

I know nothing about cars.

#50

I work in the music scene making beats and tracks for rap artists

Everyone always asks “Can I sample this track?” or “Use it for one of my songs?” and they say “imagine the exposure it will get you.”

#51

Ultrasound tech. Male patients: am I pregnant HAHAHA

#52

As a nurse, almost any time I give anything remotely close to a painkiller/sedative to patient, the family says something along the lines of “CAN I haVE One tOo HyUcK HYUCK HYucK”

#53

I work in a nursing home and sometimes we have a resident that is constantly trying to leave and go home, because they don’t remember that they live there. The on going joke is someone asking, “Can’t we just tie them to a chair?” (No, we cant. Just for those of you who actually think that’s an option.)

#54

I worked at a bank for 4 years. The amount of idiots that go “gimme all your money. Just kidding I’m not here to rob you.” Or “I guess all this cash makes it look like I sell drugs. I don’t though!” is staggering. And in the future, if anyone wants to make the second joke just know that they usually end up having to flag your account to check for money laundering activities so hopefully you aren’t actually selling drugs.

Edit: I also just want to add how many people would come in on Halloween and be pissed and shocked that we would have the audacity to ask them not to wear masks. That being said it was a hunting town so people constantly came in with knives and for some reason we were ok with that.

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#56

“Who is walking who?” – whenever I am taking a big dog to the back… hur hur

#57

I work at a car dealership. I’ll get customers come inside upon finding the keys accidentally left in a vehicle. They almost always say, “Found your keys out there, you know I could have just driven away.”

It’s like they want a reward for not stealing our vehicle.

#58

I work in a pre-school. Multiple times a week parents say “I don’t know how you guys do it!” Referring to taking care of multiple toddlers all day. It’s always the parents who leave their toddlers with us for 9-11 hours who say this.

#59

Dairy farmer: brown cows give chocolate milk. I milk brown cows. They don’t give chocolate milk.

#60

I work for a major spirit company and at least once everyday the pubs I’m calling on will say “got any free bottles?” and then when I say “no, unfortunately not” in the nicest possible way, they will make the rest of the call really sh**ty.

#61

“Oh you’re a mechanical engineer? You must know a lot about cars.”

#62

My medium rare steak has blood in it. I’ll take that for free please

#63

And this is our accounting department. “Lol, put some extra money in my check, lololololololol.”

#64

At Starbucks, we have categories and buttons for all the drinks.

When we get a new drink, there is a new button but no one tells us where the button is. It is either in with normal lattes or frappuccinos or it’s under the seasonal category on the opposite side of the screen.

So when a customer orders a new or special drink, we go on a wild goose chase for the button that seems to not exist. The customers will say “Oh you can’t find it? How about you make it and just let me take it.” My boss just tells us to ring them up for a basic drink and make the special one until the button is added.

The button is never added

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#66

I don’t have one like that exactly…

What I get a lot of is: “Wow, that’s like… professional!” Which is a massively backhanded compliment. I’m a fabricator. Professionally.

#67

video production

can you make (photoshop) me look thinner?

#68

Paramedic: After we’ve dropped a patient off (think interfacility transfer) and heading back to the elevator with an empty stretcher, someone always asks, “hey, can I get a ride to my car?” I usually reply: “Sure, $300, cash up front, but if you want me to clean it first, $500, oh, and you probably want me to clean it.” When we’re washing the rig at the end of shift, people actually ask what we charge to do their vehicle. Har dee [frikkin] har. Also, my contract fee for automotive washing is $100/hr, minimum 1hr charge. A totally had one guy tell me to learn to take a joke for that! “Nice park job, assh*le!” Hmmm, big white truck, blinky lights, I wonder if you call the local constabulary to report me, what ever will they do? Hmmm, rough night shift, feeling salty and drinking, maybe number 3 doesn’t apply?

#69

Work in cardiac ultrasound imaging.

“Can you tell my wife out there i actually have one?”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“So is it working?”

Legit. Hur hur hur

#70

Worked in the casino guest rewards, you sign up you get perks of some sort ours was a small amount of pts. to use towards slots then changed to some stuffed animal…(I know, we’ve all hated that idea) but if we’re ran out or the system was acting weird it was, “well guess you gotta give me X amount of money” … the other one after asking, is there anything I can help you with…”yeah point me to the winning machine” followed by the fakest laugh of my life.

#71

Waiter here.

“Can I get you guys anything else?”

“Yeah, a boatload of cash!”, or alternatively, “A wheelbarrow”

#72

Stripper here. Our version is definitely:

“How about I give YOU a lapdance!”

#73

As a Recruitment Consultant: “Haha so you just do your magic and find a job for me! Bye!”

#74

Paramedic here, I ALWAYS get the old ladies saying “oh! My taxi!” Or “You coming back for me later?”

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#76

Also well known in the beer industry:

“It’s the [insert color] truck out front. HURHURHHR.”

“It’s free today right. HURHURHUR.”

“It’s buy one get 29 free right? HURHURHUR.”

“Man this job must be awesome…getting to sample all this beer. HURHURHUR.”

“Oh he’s paying for mine too. HURHURHUR.” (This one is good because it usually gets the unknowing customer before this and sometimes after this guy to respond with one of the before mentioned jokes)

something breaks “AWWWW MAN I’M REPORTING YOU FOR ALCOHOL ABUSE. HURHURHUR.”

Seriously—people thinking working with beer is awesome. It is. But it isn’t.

#77

I work in IT. “Have you tried turning it off and on again? ” never gets old.

#78

I work in IT, when something doesn’t load for people, they love asking “is it the server?”. Yes it’s the server….all 50 of them…

#79

IT. “Can you hack my

#80

Landscaping – “hur hur do you want to come do mine (beds/lawn/etc) next? Hur hur”

#81

Phlebotomy.

Oh lord, the vampires here, let me call you back

I have terrible veins! They roll; they’re deep, and you have to use a butterfly!

Well damn, how many tubes you need?

I ain’t gonna have one more drop of blood by the time I get outta here

What they testing me for this time? A what? Like I know what that is.

#82

If I can’t fix a random-ass problem on someone’s PC, I get “so do i get a new one hurr hurr” so often it hurts.

#83

“there was a typo on the quiz, so that question doesn’t count” or “I was absent that day, so I don’t have to do that assignment”

#84

Photographer. Please make me look thin.
[helps them pose instead]

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Read more: http://www.boredpanda.com/annoying-profession-jokes/

Dave Chappelle under fire for discrediting Michael Jackson accusers in Netflix special

Standup comedian also takes aim at callout culture that sees public figures held to account by audiences

Dave Chappelle has come under fire for his latest Netflix special in which he claims he does not believe Michael Jackson sexually assaulted young boys, and makes jokes at the expense of Jacksons accusers.

In a standup set that seemed designed to provoke precisely the backlash that it was critiquing, Chappelle took aim at a prevailing callout culture that sees celebrities being held to account by audiences and in the media for perceived or actual crimes and for the offensive things they say.

He talked at length about the allegations of sexual assault against Jackson, who died in 2009, made by James Safechuck and Wade Robson in the HBO/Channel 4 documentary, Leaving Neverland.

Chappelle described the allegations in detail before complaining about the graphic descriptions in the documentary itself, and then said he didnt believe Jacksons accusers because actor Macaulay Culkin, who also spent time with Jackson as a child, hadnt made accusations of his own.

Acknowledging that he was saying something that Im not allowed to say, Chappelle also joked about how making such statements made him a victim blamer.

If somebody come up to me like, Dave, Dave, Chris Brown just beat up Rihanna! Id be like, Well, what did she do? Dave! Michael Jackson was molesting children! Well, what were those kids wearing at the time? he said.

But you know what, even if he did do it its Michael Jackson. I know more than half the people in this room have been molested in their lives. But it wasnt no goddamn Michael Jackson, was it?

Chappelle also compared the Jackson allegations with those made by multiple women against singer R Kelly, which he said he did believe.

Robson and Safechuck, Jacksons accusers, responded to the comedians set, with Robson saying: He can say whatever he wants. It reveals him, not us.

Robsons lawyer Vince Finaldi said of Chappelle: Its unfortunate that he has chosen to use his platform to shame sexual abuse victims, and spread his ignorance of sexual abuse and the way it is perpetrated upon children, in an attempt to resurrect his career.

Sticks & Stones is Chappelles third Netflix special, the first two of which were also widely criticised for their apparent homophobia and transphobia.

Chappelle appeared to predict the backlash to Sticks & Stones, which was released this week, suggesting in the set that such backlash was the reason his public appearances were few and far between.

Thats why I dont be coming out doing comedy all the time, he said. Im goddamn sick of it. This is the worst time ever to be a celebrity. Youre gonna be finished. Everyones doomed.

Later, he said: Doesnt matter what I say. And if you at home watching this shit on Netflix, remember bitch, you clicked on my face. Celebrity hunting season. Doesnt matter what I say, theyre gonna get everybody eventually. Like look, I dont think I did anything wrong, but well see.

John Branca, an executor of the Jackson estate, told TMZ he agreed with Chappelle.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2019/aug/28/dave-chappelle-under-fire-for-discrediting-michael-jackson-accusers-in-netflix-special

Mel Brooks Fast Facts

(CNN)Here’s a look at the life of comedian, actor, director, producer, playwright and screenwriter Mel Brooks, best known for comedic farces such as “The Producers,” “Blazing Saddles,” “Young Frankenstein” and “Spaceballs.”

Birth place: Brooklyn, New York
Birth name: Melvin James Kaminsky
    Father: Max Kaminsky, a process server
    Mother: Kate (Brookman) Kaminsky
    Marriages: Anne Bancroft (1964-2005, her death); Florence Baum (unavailable publicly-1962, divorced)
    Children: with Anne Bancroft: Max; with Florence Baum: Stefanie, Nicky and Eddie
    Education: AttendedVirginia Military Institute as part of his Army training
    Military: US Army, 1944-1945, Corporal
    Other Facts:
    Brooks adopted the last name, “Brooks” from his mother’s maiden name, “Brookman.”
    His parents were Jewish immigrants from Eastern Europe.
    Brooks is one of an elite few known as EGOT winners. They have all won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony award.
    His second wife, actress Anne Bancroft, was almost an EGOT winner herself. She collected Oscar, Emmy and Tony awards before her death from cancer in 2005.
    He has won an Academy Award out of three nominations.
    Has won three Tony Awards out of three nominations.
    Has won four Emmy Awards out of 13 nominations.
    Has won three Grammy Awards and has been nominated 10 times.
    Brooks learned how to play the drums in his youth from famous jazz musician Buddy Rich.
    Brooks makes appearances in his own films as an actor and an occasional voice-over artist. He played character roles in “Blazing Saddles,” “High Anxiety,” “Spaceballs” and “Robin Hood: Men in Tights.”
    Timeline:
    1944-1945 – Serves in the US Army as a combat engineer during World War II.
    1949-1958 – Begins his career as a comedy writer in television and theatre, writing for “Broadway Revue,” “Your Show of Shows,” “Caesar’s Hour,” “Sid Caesar Invites You,” along with “All American” and “Shinbone Alley.” During his time with “Your Show of Shows,” he works with Neil Simon and Carl Reiner. Reiner and Brooks share a lifelong friendship and partnership.
    1960 – Brooks and Reiner release the comedy album, “The 2,000-Year-Old Man.” The hit spawns four follow-up albums, an animated TV special and several books.
    1965-1970 – Teams up with writer Buck Henry to create the hit television comedy, “Get Smart.”
    June 4, 1967 – Receives his first Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing Achievement in Variety, for “The Sid Caesar, Imogene Coca, Carl Reiner and Howard Morris Special.”
    November 1968 – “The Producers” is released in theaters, making it the first motion picture Brooks wrote and directed independently.
    April 14, 1969 – Wins an Academy Award for Best Writing, Story and Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen, for “The Producers.”
    1974 – Forms the production company, “Brooksfilms.” “Coming Attractions” is the company’s first film, and “Fatso,” “The Elephant Man,” “History of the World: Part I,” “To Be or Not to Be” and “The Fly” follow.
    1997-1999 – Wins three Primetime Emmy Awards for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series, for “Mad About You.”
    February 24, 1999 – Brooks and Reiner win the Grammy Award for Best Spoken Comedy Album, for “The 2,000 Year Old Man in the Year 2000.”
    April 19, 2001 – Opening night of “The Producers” on Broadway. The production adapted from Brooks’ 1968 film goes on to win a total of 12 Tony Awards.
    June 3, 2001 – Brooks wins three Tony Awards: Best Musical, Best Original Score and Best Book of a Musical, for “The Producers.”
    February 27, 2002 – Receives two Grammy Awards: Best Long Form Music Video category, for “Recording ‘The Producers: A Musical Romp with Mel Brooks'” shared with Susan Froemke and Peter Gelb, and for “The Producers” in the Best Musical Show Album category.
    November 8, 2007 – “Young Frankenstein” premieres on Broadway, making it the second musical adaptation of one of his films.
    December 29, 2009 – Receives the Kennedy Center Honors.
      April 23, 2010 – Receives a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
      June 6, 2013 – Recipient of the American Film Institute’s Lifetime Achievement Award.

      Read more: https://www.cnn.com/2016/04/18/us/mel-brooks-fast-facts/index.html

      Saturday Night Live: the 10 best sketches from the 44th season

      From an unlikely bodega musical to the return of Opera Man, a patchy season still brought with it some hilarious moments

      Saturday Night Live finished its 44th season this past weekend which means its time to look back at the periods best moments. If theres anything to be gleaned from this highly subjective list, its that the show is at its best when avoiding political and pop culture headlines (which, to be fair, no one seems up to the task of adequately satirizing any more), and instead focusing on weirdness and idiosyncrasy.

      So here are 10 of the best sketches from this past season:

      10. Colin Jost and Michael Che swap jokes

      Much of the critical ire aimed at the show these days is directed specifically at Weekend Update hosts Colin Jost and Michael Che and for good reason. At best, Jost and Che come across as bland and indifferent; at worst, as smarmy frat boys. But when the duo wrote jokes for one another and forced each other to read them on air, sight unseen, they showed they have the potential to use that same unlikability to their advantage. The malicious, envelope-pushing humor they display here is funny beyond its shock value, especially the edgy racial material written by Che for Jost.

      9. Paranormal Occurrence

      Of all of Kate McKinnons recurring weirdo characters, theres none so consistently hilarious as Coleen Rafferty the unflappable, chain-smoking southern schlemiel who finds herself on the disgusting end of some paranormal mischief. The character made two appearances this year, and while both were excellent, the first gets the edge thanks to its particularly creative references to genitalia.

      8. Bodega Bathroom

      This high-concept parody of Broadway and movie musicals everything from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory to Rent set around a filthy New York bodega bathroom manages to make excellent use of almost the entire cast while juggling a series of difficult songs and impressive costumes, props and staging.

      7. HSN

      This deranged and profane sketch about a guest on the Home Shopping Network who leaves her wares in the Uber she took to the studio and then proceeds to verbally immolate herself on live TV is a masterclass of ratcheting hilarity. Cecily Strong is wonderful as the sympathetic but psychotic loser at its center, and things get even better when Aidy Bryant shows up as her monstrous mother and pulls everything into full-blown southern Gothic territory. Credit as well to host Claire Foy, whose subtle reactions are as good as the others histrionics.

      6. Opera Man Returns

      When it was announced that Adam Sandler would be returning to SNL for the first time since he was fired over two decades ago, hopes ran high that hed bring back some of his memorable characters. While Canteen Boy was nowhere to be found, Opera Man did make a glorious return to the Weekend Update desk. Sandler showed he still has the chops to pull off the character, while reminding us of what a great performer he can be when his heart is in the material.

      5. Charmin

      James McAvoy was one of the best hosts of the season, and this sketch which finds a focus group made up of idiots answering questions about a Charmin toilet paper commercial was the clear breakout from his episode. His scatalogically obsessed Philly meathead proved an instantly classic character, and if SNL is smart itll find an excuse to bring him back every couple of years to reprise the role.

      4. Weezer

      From thinkpieces to Reddit forums to entire podcasts, the question of when (or more generously, if) Weezer went downhill has given music nerds plenty to debate. SNL managed to capture this very specific argument beautifully in the standout sketch from its Christmas episode. While viewers unfamiliar with the alt-pop-punk icons might have been left scratching their heads, this was a true gift for fans (and detractors) of the group.

      3. Whats That Name?

      Already a sharp takedown of deeply ingrained cultural misogyny, what truly elevates this sketch is the psychological game of cat-and-mouse that develops between sinister talkshow host Vince Blake (Bill Hader) and dumb donkey contestant Todd (John Mulaney). Given their history as creative partners, its no surprise Hader and Mulaney displayed the best chemistry to be found anywhere within this season.

      2. Chris Farley Tribute

      Adam Sandlers homecoming provided one of the most moving moments in the history of Saturday Night Live when the comedian performed a tribute to fellow SNL alumnus and best friend Chris Farley, who died in 1997. The show had paid tribute to Farley on previous occasions, but none felt truly adequate until now. That Sandlers tribute was allowed to close out the show made it all the more powerful.

      1. Career Day

      The funniest, most gonzo, most rewatchable sketch of the entire season came during its first episode. As decrepit but fiery oil baron Abraham H Parnassus, Adam Driver turned in a character for the ages a cross between The Simpsons Monty Burns and There Will Be Bloods Daniel Plainview, all by way of Vincent Price (Drivers impression even managed to eclipse Haders). Everything in this sketch is pure gold every line of dialogue, every choice Driver makes, every interaction he has with the rest of the cast. Even Davidsons breaking adds to the electricity of it all. Parnassus could probably carry an entire movie, but for now well have to settle for this perfect five-minute sketch.

      Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/may/22/saturday-night-live-snl-best-sketches

      The Good Place: how a sitcom made philosophy seem cool

      Never studied philosophy? No worries! Heres a beginners guide to the concepts that make the gags in The Good Place so, well, good

      Television

      The Good Place: how a sitcom made philosophy seem cool

      Never studied philosophy? No worries! Heres a beginners guide to the concepts that make the gags in The Good Place so, well, good

      Ted

      Ted Danson in The Good Place. Whod have thought a comedy about philosophy would be ratings gold? Photograph: NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

      • Warning: contains spoilers!

      Oh, to have been a fly on the wall during the pitch meeting for The Good Place. Whod have thought that ratings gold would be found in a sitcom about the afterlife, with regular references to Immanuel Kant, David Hume and Aristotle? It presumably helped to have comedy heavyweights Kristen Bell and Ted Danson attached and that it was created by Michael Schur, who has The Office, Parks and Recreation and Brooklyn Nine-Nine on his credits.

      And the original premise is solid: selfish and immoral Eleanor Shellstrop (Bell) dies and is sent to a non-denominationally pleasant Heaven by accident but becomes determined to become a good person in order to be worthy enough to stay. The writing is reliably hilarious and the ensemble cast have an exceptional chemistry. The show is also peppered with adorable quirks such as the characters being unable to swear in the Good Place, instead defaulting to curses such as holy shirt! and motherforker!

      But moral philosophy is the beating heart of the program, and it has some of the best jokes that this one-time postgraduate in moral philosophy has ever heard.

      So, what are the concepts that guarantee The Good Place will endure as both a brilliantly inventive comedy and a tiresomely obvious thesis topic for lazy undergrads?

      Aristotelianism

      Chidi
      Nobody likes moral philosophy professors. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

      Throughout the show Eleanor is helped by Michael (Danson) the cosmic Good Place architect named, neatly, after both an Biblical archangel and the shows creator and her supposed soulmate, the endlessly anxious Senegalese philosophy professor Chidi Anagonye (William Jackson Harper).

      Chidis lessons to help Eleanor become a better person begin with the classics: Socrates, Plato and especially Aristotle.

      Aristotles teachings formed the basis of modern philosophy, particularly in developing the practice of applying rules of logic as a method of arriving at the truth. But it helps that the exploration of his teleological musings are peppered with jokes like Eleanors dismissive, Who died and left Aristotle in charge of ethics? to which the exasperated Chidi replies, Plato!

      This, to be clear, is a very good but also accurate joke about Platos student.

      Utilitarianism

      This is the philosophy that everyone immediately latches on to at university, thinking ah, this is the one that makes sense! before having it all torn down for them. The basic idea is that a moral act is one that grants the greatest good for the greatest number of people. It seems smart and right, until you start getting into questions about unintended consequences and natural justice.

      This is well illustrated by Philippa Foots Trolley Problem, in which a runaway tram is heading for a group of workers on the track who will all be killed, unless you throw a switch to send it on to a side track where it will kill only one person. So, which is better: letting a bunch of people die by accident and inaction, or actively murdering a completely uninvolved bystander?

      Its an enduring thought experiment, but in The Good Place, Michael figures that its better to experience it in a more hands-on manner and thus puts Chidi at the controls of an actual trolley which actually crushes people, in face-splatteringly gory ways.

      Theres also a sweet blink-and-youll-miss-it joke name-checking utilitarianisms greatest foundational theorist, Jeremy Bentham, as the trolley barrels past a movie theatre, the marquee of which displays its current showings of Strangers Under a Train and Bend it Like Bentham. This is a show that deeply respects puns.

      Deontology

      Eleanor
      This is a show that deeply respects puns. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

      Deontological ethics is concerned with the morality of ones actions, with the various schools of thought each seeking to establish sets of rules which, if obeyed, will produce ethical behaviour. These rules typically concern our duty to one another. Kant, so beloved by Chidi, was especially big on this.

      The theory has obvious flaws, since there are massive question marks over what those rules should be and who gets to set them (even God was cool with asking Abraham to kill his own son, after all), but it does offer a sort of moral clarity if you dont look too hard. It proves entirely unsatisfying for Chidi facing the Trolley Problem, but The Good Place isnt above using these sorts of hard and fast rules elsewhere.

      For example, the quiz Michael uses to assess whether someone is a good person or a bad person is filled with these sorts of rule-based questions for instance, Have you ever paid money to hear music performed by California funk rock band the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

      Existentialism

      This is a theory that seeks to establish a set of rules of behaviour for practical ethics, but takes as its starting point the individual as moral agent. It rejects the notion of some nebulous moral ideal, asking instead that the individual act with moral authenticity. Basically, its a philosophy tailor-made for teenage boys.

      It gets plenty of play in the series, not simply because an entire episode is based around Sren Kierkegaards notion of total freedom coming only through having complete faith in oneself and life (although he phrased it more as being with God, what with the times and all), but also because Chidi reveals that hes writing a Hamilton-style rap musical as a way of helping Michael understand ethical philosophy: My name is Kierkegaard and my writing is impeccable! / Check out my teleological suspension of the ethical!

      But it goes even deeper than that: the entire first series, despite its many digressions into Chidis ethics tutorials, is revealed finally to be essentially an extended riff on Jean-Paul Sartres perky afterlife play No Exit, which famously concluded:

      Garcin: So this is hell. Id never have believed it. You remember all we were told about the torture chambers, the fire and brimstone, the burning marl. Old wives tales! Theres no need for red-hot pokers. Hell is other people!

      Holy forking shirtballs indeed.

      The Good Place is showing now on Netflix in Australia

      Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/jan/30/the-good-place-how-a-sitcom-made-philosophy-seem-cool

      Jack Black distracts and baffles in Netflix comedy The Polka King

      The Polka King, by writing-directing team Maya Forbes and Wallace Wolodarsky, is a disjointed film about an odd subject. From Jack Black’s lead performance to some of the storytelling decisions, it never coalesces. The Netflix film is equal parts dark comedy and biopic, but the true-crime story just isn’t salacious enough.

      Jan Lewandowski, who goes by the rhyming Jan Lewan, was indicted in 2004 for running a Ponzi scheme. He bilked his victims out of $4 million. Jan spun the ill-gotten cash into a music empire. Before becoming a criminal he was best known for his polka music. Black plays Jan as a happy-go-lucky outsider, someone who is happy to be carving out his piece of the American dream. Black affects a high-pitched voice and couples it with just enough broken English to disarm Jan. It’s a performance, and film, that calls to mind Black’s turn in Richard Linklater’s Bernie. To help strike the right tonal balance Linklater mixed in talking-head interviews of real people. It helped his mix of murder and East Texas hospitality go down smooth.

      The Polka King badly needs an extra layer or element to strike and maintain the tricky tone it aims for. Something to tie it all together. Forbes and Wolodarsky based their film on the 2009 documentary The Man Who Would Be Polka King. Some of their quirkier touches come from the comic throw-ins that don’t serve a purpose. Take Vanessa Bayer for instance. She plays Bikini Bear, a bear costume-wearing member of Jan’s polka band. She makes a few funny faces and innuendos aimed at another band member. It’s a running thing that is only saved by Buyer’s genius as a performer but doesn’t advance the plot. For a supposedly lean movie that is less than 95 minutes long, there is a surprising amount of fat.

      Netflix/YouTube

      In dramatizing Lewan’s rise and fall, the film expects you to just accept things because, well, that’s what happened in real life. It’s one thing to buy into Lewan swindling elderly and otherwise unassuming people with a relatively amateur scheme. It’s another thing buy that the agent called in to question Lewan (JB Smoove) was actually that bumbling. Part of the reason it is difficult to make that jump is Black’s performance. Black is underrated as a dramatic actor, but here it feels like he’s doing shtick more than anything else. So Jan, though an outsider in his Pennsylvania community, feels like an alien because it’s hard to get a feel for him as a real person. By virtue of that, the movie is alienating, because Jan isn’t as compelling as he should be (and is in real life), and everyone else comes off as dumb. It’s a shame because it detracts from the stronger aspects of the film, namely Jenny Slate as Jan’s wife Marla and Jacki Weaver as Marla’s mother.

      The film moves through Jan’s plan dutifully and we see him sweat as he gets in deeper to the point where he has no recourse but to continue the scam until someone finally calls him out. To the film’s credit, the scene where Jan gets arrested is well-staged, with Jan at the bedside of his badly hurt son. Forbes and Wolodarsky have Jan pray for his son’s salvation in exchange for Jan owning up to his crimes. This use of Jan’s faith could have been an interesting thread, but the scene plays like a cosmic joke. Jan mentions the pope a few times, but it never amounts to something significant. It’s indicative of a larger issue, which is the characterization of Jan beyond Black’s performance. The character is driven by greed, but the movie doesn’t dig into that. Jan is an amalgam of characteristics that operate almost independently of one another.

      The movie lacks a strong sense of tone and direction. The Polka King has a few things to offer viewers, but it’s more of a missed opportunity than anything else.

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      Still not sure what to watch on Netflix? Here are our guides for the absolute best movies on Netflix, must-see Netflix original series and movies, and the comedy specials guaranteed to make you laugh.

      Read more: https://www.dailydot.com/upstream/the-polka-king-review-netflix/

      Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri review violent carnival of small-town America

      Frances McDormand is commanding as a woman avenging the murder of her daughter in Martin McDonaghs modern-day western

      Frances McDormand gives a powerhouse performance in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, an uproarious delight of a film that snaps the eyelids up like roller-blinds and had the Venice film festival audience breaking into rounds of spontaneous applause. She plays Mildred Hayes, an angel of vengeance at loggerheads with the world. Lock the door and bolt the windows. Mildred comes rampaging up Main Street like hard-boiled Spencer Tracy in Bad Day at Black Rock.

      Playwright Martin McDonagh won plaudits for his bustling 2008 feature debut, In Bruges but Three Billboards is on a whole other level. The director tosses it into competition, underarm, like a firecracker, where it promptly explodes in a flash of jokes, a splash of blood and a twisting plume of ornate dialogue. It remains to be seen how this one will bed down; how deep an impression it leaves once the smell of cordite has faded. But in the moment, good heavens, this feels like Bonfire night and the Fourth of July.

      It has been a year since Mildreds teenaged daughter was murdered. The trail has gone cold and the cops have no leads. So Mildred takes matters into her own hands, renting a trio of dilapidated billboards on Drinkwater Road as a means of shaming the Ebbing police chief to action. Dont ask why she doesnt resort to social media instead. This womans old-school; she comes from pioneer stock.

      If the billboards were intended to get Mildred noticed, they are counted a roaring success. The snag is that her fellow citizens are outraged. They adore police chief Willoughby (Woody Harrelson), and hate to see him embarrassed particularly when hes suffering with the cancer and all. And if Willoughby is too decent, or tired, to bring this infernal woman to heel, well, others are prepared to do his dirty work. Men such as Officer Dixon (Sam Rockwell), a little man with a gun in his hand, so inept at police paperwork that he lists vital witnesses as fat dentist and the lady with the funny eye. Dixon has recently dodged a conviction for beating up a black suspect. He reckons middle-aged Mildred will present still fewer problems.

      Bold
      Bold and showboating Woody Harrelson, left, in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

      Those familiar with McDonaghs work will be unsurprised to learn that Three Billboards is a bold and showboating affair, robustly drawn and richly written; a violent carnival of small-town American life. Yet it has a big, beating heart, even a rough-edged compassion for its brawling inhabitants. In the midst of one flaming argument this film contains plenty ailing Chief Willoughby coughs blood into Mildreds face and then apologises, insisting he didnt mean to do it. I know you didnt, baby, Mildred replies, laying a hand on his arm. You suddenly realise they arent enemies, just good friends in dispute. Hard on the heels of that revelation comes a worrying thought: what becomes of this town when faltering Willoughby finally gives up the ghost? When the townsfolk rise up and the volatile Dixon is properly let off the leash? Its going to be like high tea in hell.

      Then again, maybe not. Because what is most impressive about McDonaghs movie is its freewheeling nature, its bottle-rocket sensibility; its awareness that people can turn 180 degrees on a dime. Three Billboards sets forth as a modern-day western, complete with mariachi music and a crossfire of hard stares across sleepy Main Street. Then it zigs left to sketch a comic small-town portrait, zags right to become a roguish picaresque. Old assumptions are overturned, unlikely alliances are forged in adversity and some of these characters even get out alive. McDonagh rounds up the survivors and casts them to the wind, in search of a happy ending or another adventure, wherever they land first.

      Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri screened at the Venice film festival, and will be released on 10 November in the US and on 12 January, 2018, in the UK.

      Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/sep/04/three-billboards-outside-ebbing-missouri-review-frances-mcdormand-martin-mcdonagh